10 Signs of My Premature Aging

15 Nov

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1. Out of the “Top Ten Downloaded Songs of the Week,” I recognize maybe one song and two of the groups.

2. I’ve pushed my glasses onto my head to put on some lotion. When I was finished 10 seconds later, I, in all honesty, asked out loud, “Where are my glasses?

3. I’ve started to increase the text size on websites. I just don’t want to be squinting, okay?! I don’t want to get crow’s feet- I have enough to worry about!

4. The other day, I looked at two teenage girls in short skirts on a windy day and thought in all seriousness, “They should be wearing jackets.”

5. The only text/Internet acronyms (I don’t even know if there’s a proper term for those!) I know are LOL, OMG, and WTF. Though I never actually use any of them when I text because it feels too weird. Instead of LOL I will actually type out “Ha ha” instead.

6. Me, a few years ago almost 10 years ago (Wait, what?! 10 years? How’d that happen?!):

When I was in university, an older friend called me from work one morning. We were talking when suddenly my alarm went off.

Friend: “What is that noise?”

MM: “Oh, just my alarm clock. Let me just turn it off. There.”

Friend: “…”

MM: “Um, hello?”

Friend: “It’s eleven o’clock. You set your alarm for…eleven o’clock?!”

MM: “…I didn’t want to sleep in?”

Me, today:

Before Real Baby* was born, my super fantastic sisters took me for a mini overnight trip.** We were excited because we scored an extra late check-out time of 2:00PM. One of my sisters also has kids and she was also really looking forward to sleeping in that weekend. So, what happened? She wakes up at 6:00AM and can’t get back to sleep. Ends up watching TV on the lowest volume (we were sharing a hotel room) until we woke up. Me? Oh, I did so much better. I “slept in” until…7:00AM.

7. I was reading the newspaper (I guess that may be another sign right there– I had a physical copy of the paper in my hands!) and saw an ad for a museum offering $20 tickets for an exhibit for people 25 years and under. I got so excited and was starting to tell Biker about it and how I could get tickets for us both (he’s a couple years older) and maybe we should invite Friends A and B, they’d love it too, then…oh, wait, I’m…over 25. I’m in the next age checkbox on forms now! Ahhh!

8. When single friends tell me about their love lives, I have to discreetly wipe the drool off my chin and rearrange the lascivious expression on my face into something more…restrained.

9. I’ve recently started to appreciate plain hot water as a sensible beverage option.

10. I keep getting “ma’am”-ed in stores. Ma’am? Ma’am?! Seriously?!


I’m sure there’s more, but that’s all I can think of right now (OMG– memory loss?!).


 Real Baby is the nickname I’ve decided to use for my new baby girl on this blog. When I was pregnant, we talked to Freestyle about the new baby. Initially, I wasn’t sure how much she understood because her own beloved baby doll is called, simply, “Baby” (or as she says it, “Bah-bee”). I would talk to her about how there was a baby inside Mommy’s tummy and then later ask, “Where’s the baby?” and she would point at or run to get her doll. So sometimes I would tell her that I wasn’t talking about her baby doll, I was talking about the real baby in my tummy. Now Freestyle calls her doll “Bah-bee doll” and will sometimes call our baby “Real Baby!” I couldn’t stop laughing when she first did it!

** This is a MUCH better option (IMHO– Ooh! Ooh! I know a fourth one!) for anyone thinking of throwing their friend a second baby shower…we already have everything we need and I SO much preferred a night to myself (with my sisters) where I could go out and not worry about hurrying home for bedtime, getting Freestyle ready for bedtime, and…SLEEPING IN! Well, you know, in theory.



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